It seems the reason I formed a false self to please my folks is that I wasn't getting the necessary instruction on how to handle my emotions. Some emotions were too powerful to just ignore, though I probably tried. I formed a false self who didn't respond to emotions, counter-dependent is what they call it, where I became the opposite of dependent, which isn't independent. I would refuse help, and make it a point of pride never to need help.

I never learned to deal with emotions. When I start to feel a negative emotion, I could quickly push it down to where I didn't feel it. I'm very good at it. Thing is, ignored emotions never just to away. They linger, and some make me angry. But I have no one to be angry with, so I was angry with myself. Being counter-dependent, I was the only one around. [Again, if your kids are not angry at you, they are angry at themselves.]

My job now, in integrating, is to feel emotions. It's a tricky thing. I have a hard time feeling good emotions, just as I suppress the negative ones. So I spend time just trying to feel emotions, and learn that feeling them isn't a bad thing, the way it was when I was five. then some strong negative emotions seemed very dangerous (like concluding your mom wanted you dead). But now the emotions aren't bad at all. I just need to let myself feel them. Practice.